The Ugly American?
30/03/08 21:01
At least one branch of my family arrived in North America in 1607 -- we are now entering our fifth century on the continent. And several family branches have lived in Texas for almost two centuries. We are truly of the South, intertwined with its colonial development and history. And I am clearly from the US and Texas.
But by my countrymen, I am almost universally considered a terrible example of all three categories and quite unrepresentative. Generally, this sense of being rejected by a region I love and feel electrostatically drawn to saddens me, but I've had a long time to get used to the feeling. About three decades now.
But by my countrymen, I am almost universally considered a terrible example of all three categories and quite unrepresentative. Generally, this sense of being rejected by a region I love and feel electrostatically drawn to saddens me, but I've had a long time to get used to the feeling. About three decades now.
These internal conflicts are more complicated now than ever. At each new place I visit for work, I am cautiously felt out by my colleagues. What sort of US citizen is John? Will he tell us what to do or to think? How certain is he in his opinions, and how dismissive of ours? Is he like his president? It often comes out that I am from Texas, one of the few states in the U.S. with a distinct "personality" to those abroad who have never been here. And most reasonably educated people from abroad know that Bush was our governor, that he too is from Texas. For work, the associations of North America and Texas are obstacles. For me, they are depressing embarrassments.
Defensively, even preemptively, I am inclined to point out that I voted against Bush 43 four times: twice as governor, and twice for president. And I studiously avoid the use of "American" to describe myself unless I am including Mexico, Canada, Central America, and South America, which is how the rest of the Americas use the term. We are all Americanos, and the U.S. is a subset of that category. Not the equivalent.
But terminology is not enough either. I have long felt proud of the brighter points of our history -- LBJ signing the Civil Rights Act, for instance. For the past eight years I feel only shame. The '00 election debacle in Florida, Abu Grib, the Iraq invasion, Guantanamo, Kyoto, the illegality of gay marriage, the prominence of politicians who do not believe in evolution. The deficit between Enlightenment ideals and reactionary action has not been so great since at least the mid 60s, and perhaps much farther back than that.
I find that the caution I sense in my colleagues abroad dissolves a little over time. The best sign of this may be when I hear them ask me earnest, probing questions somewhere a few drinks into casual conversation: Why has the U.S. does invaded Iraq? Why have the people not rioted with the news of torture? How was Bush re-elected? Will any of the new candidates be better?
My answers often feel so inadequate, in part because I don't really have very good answers. I don't know why our press failed us in 2002 and 2003 so badly. I don't really understand why the U.S. has developed a reasonable engagement on climate change issues. I cannot apologize for civilian and military authorities that covered over torture and prisoner abuse, forcing our country and much of the West into a multi-decade conflict with the Middle East. I hope they can read something in my pain too.
And I know they intend to compliment me, but I feel so sad when I am told, You are not like most Americans, are you? We like you. You are welcome, John. Please come again.
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